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В теме: SEE A HALF LIFE NEW SPEEDRUNNIN AGAIN.

18 Июль 2018 - 17:57

"SOMEONE STIKE UP WITH THE BALALAIKAS " Bloof32d internet forum 2006 © -- про игру You Are Empty Microsoft Train Simulator


В теме: SEE A HALF LIFE NEW SPEEDRUNNIN AGAIN.

18 Июль 2018 - 17:40

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38:58 ЗАСНУУЛ


В теме: SEE A HALF LIFE NEW SPEEDRUNNIN AGAIN.

18 Июль 2018 - 17:00

more ))

 

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[You Are Empty] any% speedrun in 45:29 (48:19 RTA)


В теме: Ушаков не виноват в том, что выругался матом (32)

18 Июль 2018 - 12:20

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В теме: Ушаков не виноват в том, что выругался матом (32)

18 Июль 2018 - 11:54

“The bastard stole my look!”
~ Blade on JC Denton
“No, coz I AIN'T black!”
~ JC Denton on Blade
“In Soviet Russia, laputan machines YOU!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on MJ12

Deus Ex or Deu Sex is a computer game, created sometime in the late 90's. The game's graphics suck, but look realistic. Deus Ex Game of the Year comes with a single player mode, and an editor than can edit weapons and levels. When people first saw the title "Deus Ex," which is Latin, no gamer (mostly being stupid from their fried brain cells by electrons from the monitor) could pronounce it correctly. The correct pronunciation depends on which dialect of Latin you speak: one has it like "do sex", while another has a whole "day of sex".

 

Contents
•1 Development
•2 Plot
•3 Characters
•4 Places
•5 Little Known Fact
•6 Rating critisism
•7 Reviews
•8 Related links

Development[edit]

The original working title of Deus Ex was the much grander Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's Ex-Girlfriend. The core concept of the game was pitched to a publisher that had grown tired of selling profitable games. Fortunately WAMeG (as it was then known) had no such problems and was immediately green-lit for possible production by 2026.

During development, many changes were made, as usual in the biz. The marketing ass-monkeys decided to shorten the name to give it more appeal to the dyslexic - first to Amadeus' Ex and finally to Deus Ex. The original gameplay also evolved over time. The mostly text-based adventure game where your goal was to make Mozart fall in love with you and take you back before he died of leprosy, was deemed too cheerful for modern pre-teens. However, the reward system of inheriting more of Mozart's money if you could seduce him earlier into the game before he pissed it all away on guns and whores was mostly left intact. Eventually Mozart's Ex was replaced with the Jesus and Mozart himself replaced with the Virgin Mary. Of course, this meants the amount of fellacious acts betwixt the two would have to be reduced somewhat to appease the Mormons. Also lots of guns were added for obvious reasons.

Plot[edit]

You are Jesus Christ of the Holy Saints and the Virgin Mary (but the creators of the game say it is not meant religiously...), also called CJ Notned (who is given the cunning nickname of "JC Denton"), a Jedi Knight from Arrakis who wears a long, black leather jacket and sunglasses (Matrix Ripoff! Someone call the police!!), even though the entire game is set in the night time. But one needs to wear sunglasses, when ones eyes are glow-in-the-dark blue. Anyway, he is a OXFAM agent. Being an OXFAM supporter, your objective in this game is to destroy everyone and everything, including yourself. This isn't as easy as it seems, because some evil world domination bastards who self-destruct show up halfway through the game. In the beginning of the game, you encounter your brother, Darth, who gives you a mission. We don't really remember what it was. Something about a statue and a big blue man. However, we do remember what the map looked like. It looked like shit. It was New York.

Then you go do more missions in New York against terrorists, but then you join them which really screws up the point of fighting against them in the first place. After joining them, you do missions in Tokyo where people swear at you in Chinese, Paris where people swear at you in French, and in Atlantis where people swear at you in Mer-speak.

Occasionally, CJ finds force power canisters, which allow him to upgrade his body parts by having a medical robot rip his jacket and fuck his body.

Warning: The above text may have contained spoilers. What? Oh shit! I should have told you earlier. My bad.

Characters[edit]

CJ's best friend is a mechanized OXFAM agent, a German not-Terminator-but-like-a-Terminator called Sven-Göran Eriksson. His other OXFAM colleagues include Axel F., a psychic computer nerd, and George Washington, the OXFAM quartermaster. Other characters include your brother, Anakin Notned (codenamed Darth Denton), who originally worked for OXFAM, but betrayed them and turned to the dark side, and EMH, a holographic doctor-turned-mechanic.

Places[edit]

In the beginning London levels, you can walk around the OXFAM base which happens to be underneath Trafalgar Square, as apparently the UK likes giving it's patriotic history land to organisations it doesn't even like in the 1780's or whenever this game is set. There you hang around in the women's toilets, steal stuff, get friends, throw things at people, and hack into security systems and point the cameras at crotches. In the later London levels, there are lots of bums, sewers and a Hilton hotel. In the Tokyo levels, you encounter some ugly Asian chick, but you murder her, since her maid starts shooting you with a crummy pistol after you start poking around the Asian's knicker drawer. Then you hang out in the Triad bases, one in a nightclub, one in a fortress. In France, there are riots, and graveyards. In Nevada, there are robots, missiles and illegal immigrants.

 


Little Known Fact[edit]

JC Dentures had an abrupt encounter with Gordon Freeman in the late 90's. At the time grunge was dying out and JC was angry, his band was failing and could not get any gigs. He reacted by twatting Gordon with a wet salmon and stole his crowbar. To this day, its a mystery as to why.

Rating critisism[edit]

When Deus Ex was rated, they made a mistake, and didn't see the Huffing message it had

Reviews[edit]
“In Soviet Russia, terrorists join YOU!!!”
~ Helena Sovietovna Clarkovskaya
“Compu-what did you say?”
~ George W. Bush 
“I am not trying to take over the world. I'm trying to LIBERATE it.”
~ Bill Gates
“Hey, see? I made one good game.”
~ Warren Spector
“My ability to enjoy games is completely ruined by the way I can see through every "bad" design decision Warren Spector ever made”
~ The Defeatist
 “I hope he [Warren Spector] falls in one of the invisible holes and dies of sleep depravation.”
~ Hugh Burton
“Deus Ex still owns us”
~ The Illuminati on Deus Ex
“YEESSSSS!!!!!”
~ Helios
“How Unprofessional”
~ Bathroom Whore
“My vision is camo-augmented”
~ JC Denton
“Expecting a show?!Bathroom Whore...again”
~ Oscar Wilde
“Hella stupid!”
~ Toteone

Related links[edit]
•Computer Games
•Matrix


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